A Dialogue of Death
A special thanks goes out to my sissy, Dawn Brattin and Jacob Barker. With them all things are possible, no matter how ludicrous they sound.

Mademoiselle DuMort-- Lady Death, Wears dark jeans, shoulder-less tee and scythe necklace

Boss- DuMort’s caretaker and task master

Jen Whitten- Victim, Smart Alec, Book-a-holic

Jacob Alexander Barker- Innocent bystander, band/computer geek


Stage lights rise on a small, cluttered bedroom. Jen lay snoring gently on the twin sized bed down stage right. A great cacophony of noise ending in a low hiss jolted her off. The door flew open just as she rose to reveal Death lying in a heap.

Death:  Nobody breathed a word about that cursed, bloody cat! (Rises impossibly and enters to stand center stage)

Jen:  How did you get in here? Better yet who are you?

Death:  I am Mademoiselle DuMort and I waltzed in your front door. Correction through your front door then promptly fell over the bloody feline.

Jen: What brings you to me?

DuMort:  Jennifer Lynn Whitten…YOUR TIME HAS COME…Dum dum dum. (Lightning flashes)

Jen:  But I haven’t seen any of those pesky Brownies lately. How can it be my time with out them?

DuMort:  You can see them? The boss isn’t going to like this.

Jen:  If you’re really watching you can glimpse their evil grins. You should try it.

DuMort:  Another time for, yours has come…Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha

Jen:  You’re really bad at this, you know?

DuMort:  How can you tell?

Jen: Your laugh isn’t all that convincing. Take Jack, the Pumpkin King, he can send shivers up your spine.

DuMort:  CONDEMNATION! I worked really hard on that too.

Jen:  Condemnation? Who talks like that anymore?

DuMort:  I was training to be a wordsmith before I was born to this job.

Jen:  Born? How can you be born into this job? Didn’t you have to die to get it?

DuMort:  Dying is the same as being reborn. At least that’s what my boss says.

Jen:  So there is life after death. I knew it.

DuMort:   Merde! Je n’aurais pas dû dis çela!

Jen:  Je ne comprend pas! I don’t speak good French.

DuMort: Sorry, I didn’t mean to slip into my native tongue.

Jen:  Wait, where are you from any way?

DuMort: The France residing in Tartarus.

Jen:  How big is Tartarus anyway?

DuMort:  Big enough to hold all of our souls, which you are now going to join! (Grasps necklace scythe)

Jen:  Why do you use a scythe?

DuMort:  Because that’s what they gave me to work with. (Stares down at hand around the scythe)

Jen:  Wouldn’t it be cooler to wield a Samurai sword?

DuMort:  I’d die to have one of those.

Jen:  You are dead.

DuMort:  Yeah, so where is my Samurai sword? ( a great clap of thunder shakes the walls) Yes, sir. (hangs head in shame)

Jen:  Don’t you at least have a pale horse?

DuMort:  What gave you the idea that I’d have one?

Jen:  Piers Anthony.

DuMort:  I wish people would stop reading that book.

Jen:  So, do you have other powers to make up for the horse?

DuMort:  I can kill people from afar.

Jen:  Show me.

DuMort:   (raises hand and hole appears in wall)  Jacob Alexander Barker, 15,  band/computer geek.

Jen:  Oooooooooooooo…

DuMort:  (reaches into his chest and squeezes)

Jacob:  (crumples to the ground dead)

Jen:  Wicked!

DuMort: Now let’s go!

Jen:  But I don’t want to!!!!

DuMort:  Don’t make a fuss. I don’t want a mess on my first call-out.

Jen:  A mess?

DuMort:  When you fuss it gets messy.

Jen:  Want a Twinkie?

DuMort:  No, besides your sister, Sam ate your last one. What’s to stop her from eating mine?

Jen:  Good point. I don’t think she’s awake anyway.

DuMort:  She can still smell… You’re stalling.

Jen:  Are Dinosaurs really dead? Being death and all I think you might know the answer to that.

DuMort:  I…I… They never said anything about that during orientation.

Jen:  So say you came face to face with a live veloceraptor, what would you do?

DuMort:  Probably start running in the other direction.

Jen:  (places a hand on her solar plexus and adds pressure. Her very being starts to phase between human and something primal. A great Dino stands before Death when the phasing stops) ROAR!!!

DuMort: (runs away)

Jen:  (In one graceful leap the raptor slices death in half)

Scene fades to darkness. The lights come up on the same room except the sun is pouring in the window.

Jacob: (Pounds on door) Jen!!

Jen:  (bolts upright) Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Jacob:  You ok?

Jen: (glances about the sunlit room) Yeah, it’s just a freaky dream… (gets up and throws some pants on. Opens door to see Jake)

Jacob: ( falls over stone cold at her feet. A great blade pierced the center of his back yet no blood flowed.)

DuMort:  That was no dream girly. I resent you cutting me in half but, I’m ready for you now.

Jen:  You think so? ( places her hand to her chest. Nothing happens.) What did you do to it?!   
DuMort:  Jammed the circuitry. I challenge you toDeath!!! (melts into being from a wall)

Jen:  Wait, aren’t you already dead?

DuMort:  This means there’s no way I can loose.

Jen:  Or that I’ve already won, if you count last night.

DuMort: (in one smooth motion wrenches the scythe from Jake’s back and thrusts it into Jen) You’ve delayed long enough. I’m behind schedule as it is and my boss is gonna rip me a new one for killing a kid before his time.

Jen:  (Falls over on top of Jacob making a perfect cross. A small mist rises from her body)

Jacob:  (Mist rises from his body) That’s a funny feeling…

Jen:  I know. Good thing Death can never really kill us. Unless our years are truly up.  She gone yet?

Jacob:  Yup. Can we put our bodies back on now? I’m getting cold.

Jen:  Yes. (The mists descend back to their bodies. They stand up and Jen pulls the scythe from her back) All we can say is mission accomplished.



Stage goes dark. The lights come back up on a great lake of fire.


DuMort:  My task is complete master. (Bows reverently)


Boss:  (Rises from the center of the lake) Have you learned why Death must be silent now?

DuMort:  Yes master. I…I had to kill a boy before his time.

Boss:  You have killed nobody as of yet. Those two are the last instructors you have to pass. They are to teach why Death is silent and wicked fast. Have you learned your lesson?

DuMort:  Yes, sir.

Boss:  Then you are truly ready to start your new job.

DuMort: Yes! Finally!!! Oh sorry sir!!!
Boss: That’s quite fine. I did that too when I was…

Jacob: Uhhhhhhhhhh…Hi!!! (Hastily exits stage left)

Jen: (Floats lazily across the stage after him) Ohhhh…

Indescreat giggles and coos can be heard off stage.

DuMort: What are they doing?

Boss: Tickle fighting…I think.

DuMort: (Rolls eyes) Can they be anymore mature?

Boss: Don’t knock it. They’re my best killing team. Who cares if they’re a little juvenial off the job? When they’re on the job nothing else exists.

DuMort: How long have they been doing this?

Boss: They were my first…